Living through myself

In life I have always had challenges with my self esteem. I always thought the world just was against me being happy. When I finally found true happiness I still questioned was it true happiness. And through my life when it truly started I have been still finding my happiness. I question my husband about things because I believe that this happiness isn't going to last. Even though my parents are still married. They have been married for 29 years and together for about 35 years. I wanted their love and happiness. I have found that happiness, but why must I question if this is the it. I haven't been the best wife. I have my faults and I have my mistakes. The worst mistake was not continuing to find myself and to make myself happy. Instead I want my husband to make me happy. But in reality if I'm not happy with myself how in the hell will I be happy with my husband. I love my husband with all my heart and I do feel happy with him. There are times that I feel like maybe I'm doing what I need too as a wife. But I shouldn't question him I need to question myself and see what I'm doing for me. I have been married for 6 years now. I never thought I would get married. I never thought I would find someone to challenge me and love me for me. So now I must search within and leave the other stuff alone. Which I can see now that social media has not helped our life. But I guess I just have to trust in what we have built through the years together. I have two girls that I want to be able to be strong and be them. I can't do that if I don't have myself together. I can't do that if I'm second guessing things. My mom never talked to me about love. About being happy. About doing things for me. I promised myself that I would teach my girls all of this and more. This is the first step for me that I have to finish. I have started this journey before but I have stopped because I was like I'm better. How am I going to get better. Well first I have to be truthful to myself. There are two books that have always helped me get through this time in life. One is "Life Strategies" by Dr. Phil. I love this book. I have the book and workbook and when I need to do things like this I always refer back to this book. The other book is "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up!" by Iyanla Vanzant. These two books have me thinking about myself in more ways then I ever thought. So now I have to go back to these books. I hope that this journey will be my last like this. About me questioning myself and my marriage.