Day 1 of the Journey begins

Welcome to my world. A world that has so much in and not enough going out. The real world as I call it. I'm a person that has big dreams, even if it seems that my big dreams won't come true. I still must believe they will one day. I'm realistic to the fact I understand that my country is changing. All everyone wants to hear is the success stories. Oh I love the success stories too, they give me inspiration that I can be successful. But do they apply to everyone. What might helped one mother be successful in potty training might not help another mother be successful in potty training. WE don't see that, we see oh they did it why can't I do the same. Well in my family we have kept  everything real and just there. I have a wonderful husband who we communicate a lot of truth to each other. Right now I'm on a worry binge because we are really just living pay check to pay check. And still not able it seems to catch up. We catch up and then we fall right back behind. Yes truthfully it would be better without  our children, but we have 2 little girls that we must feed, provide shelter, and clothes for. Yes many Americans get on government assistance, but we make too much money. How in the world do we make too much money, but yet some weeks we don't know what we might eat or if we will be able to pay the bills that we need to provide for our children. I know some are thinking just cut something of the major things you have. Well we have done that, is it terrible that I want to live a decent house. I really want to move to save money, but when your credit isn't the best and you don't have enough to money to do the deposit and first month rent. Where is the help for Americans like us.  I know we aren't the only Americans that have this issue. I know we make seem to make enough money, but when you have bills and children sometimes the money isn't enough. I have tried to find another job, but with my full time job it doesn't give me that much time to have another job. This is real in America and it's hurting our future, because I don't think of myself as someone that is bad. But I have made bad money choices and I'm willing to accept that. I don't think I should be punished or hurt my family because I made a couple of bad choices in the past. We are working so hard to catch up on past bills and make current bills work. Still I can't sleep because I worry so much about what I can't control. I can't just get a loan to help out. I can't get any state or government assistance to help put food on my table or help pay for day care cost or even just help paying on rent. Because I work and make too much money as they say. Really so I get punished for going to work early and leaving work late to try to help these little brains become productive citizens in this world. That is real. I have dreams of having a house of our own. Right now my dreams are just to make it and be able to pay bills, put food on the table, and gas in our cars so that we can go to work to make more money.