A new life has begun

Life has always been something I have been able to change and just understand. Today I realized that maybe I'm trying to live a lie. Or was my childhood all a lie. In life so much we just take from what we knew as life, and do the same with our family or change because of our childhood. I feel like I had a pretty good childhood. It wasn't the worst and it wasn't the best. Now that I have my own family, I know there are some good things that I want to keep and there are several things I want to just change. Today it seems like maybe I have to look at life differently. Like what I thought was a good life was actually a lie. I love my parents and siblings but I feel so different from them. I feel like maybe I'm just not like them at all. Then I look at my life and wonder do I really want my girls to do the same thing I did. I have so many dreams of what I want my family to be and do. What mother doesn't think big for her children. But know I wonder if my dreams are too big. I wonder if my definition of love is true or is it a lie. I wonder if my life is really a lie. Or maybe its time to change the way my eyes see life. I have lately been dreaming of moving away from my parents. Before I met my husband I felt so independent. I was living 5 hours away from my parents. For once in my life it was just me. It didn't matter what anyone else said, I could do for me. Yes, I was homesick a little I'm a family person and I take my family to heart. Maybe I take them a little bit too much to heart. I will do anything for family, in return I expect nothing but lately it seems I feel more and more just alone in life. When I moved back closer to my parents but now I was in a serious relationship with my husband, I started seeing things differently and didn't know how to take it. I knew what I had learned about myself, but I wasn't the same little girl that my parents knew. I had grown and was liking things that I wasn't exposed to at all. I would try things and just feel free. Now that I have my own family I wonder if being closer to my parents has restricted me to actually be free and for me to be myself. I know it might sound silly. But I really want to move away from my parents just so that maybe I can gain my independence back. I cherish my parents and I love my parents. But as an adult now I think maybe I have outgrown my parents. I know I have outgrown my parents. I'm a different generation, but at the same time I want to hear "I'm proud of you" from my parents. I look forward in hearing that, yet I haven't been told that. It's always "you can do better". Really! Really! yet I have a sister who is constantly thinking she has to compete with the little stuff like saying I got a better card for daddy. Really! Really! I'm so done with not being able to do things, yet I still sit and think am I really doing what I need to do. Am I at the point in life where I need to make some drastic changes in my own life. I've come a long way from the little depressed girl writing poetry in her room. I'm an adult and yet I still feel like that little girl in the corner just wanting for someone to save her. I want to be saved. I want to be better than what I am. I want to be better for my girls. I don't want my girls to have to go through what I have gone through. Maybe one day soon I will be able to leave to rest that little girl in the corner. Maybe one day soon I will be able to say I have accomplish a big dream.