Time to put my pride aside

Being a woman, most people wouldn't think that women have pride issues. Well we do, I know I do. I have an ego just like men many times. But now that I have 2 lovely little girls in my life, it's time to set aside my pride and do what I know need to be done. Well this year has been a very difficult year for my husband and I. As we try to raise our girls the best way we know how. Even with the bills piling up and us unable to get with we really want anymore we still find time to smile and just keep going. For so long I have kept what goes on in my house somewhat to myself. I have kept how I truly feel about my situation to myself. And like always it back fires on me and I feel lonely because I haven't told anyone how I felt about anything or if everything is okay. REALLY do I need to tell people things are okay and they aren't. BUT REALLY I must tell people and not be ashamed to admit that things are not okay in my family. I'm thankful and blessed to be able to wake up everything morning. I'm thankful and blessed that I get to see my girls growing up so fast. I'm thankful and blessed to have a husband that supports me and our family the best way he can. I feel blessed. But at the same time we can't pay our bills on time. I can't pay this this month because I don't have any money for that. I can't pay this because we need gas in the car. I can't pay this because I need to get food or pay for something else we really need. I try and pray each day that a miracle will happen and I get a phone call that all my bills are paid for. That is a huge miracle that I know so many others are saying too. God probably hears that more than ever especially in these days and times. But my heartache is that I felt that I needed to go through this alone. I don't have to go through this alone. I just have to get enough balls to say to someone sorry I really can't do this because I have no money. I have to ask friends and family to pray for us that everything works out the way God wants it to work out. This is a real family in the United States. We may not be able to take trips to the beach every summer. We may not have the house we want. Shoot we may be a couple days from not having a house to live in. But I have big dreams and know that one day we will have a house. One day we will be able to do some of the things we want to do for our girls. One day God will bring us that miracle we need in life. But until then we will be a family that has to make some sacrifices to prove to God that we are serious about our life. Everyday that I wake up I thank God and I thank God for allowing me to go to sleep that night. Even if my day was terrible and I had done all the searching and thinking about what I need to do for my family. I know that someday our BIG dreams will be coming true one day.

The struggle is still there

Every month I dread the end of the month. Because I only get paid once a month but most likely I will have an overdraft that has to come out first. So by the time that comes out and I pay some bills then I'm back in the overdraft. I'm trying to just not to worry and know that this hard time wilk past soon. But I'm so worried that my family won't have a place to live anymore. I pray and hope that some how everything works out and that we can finally take care of all of the bills. I have one loan that I'm having to pay that is really kicking my butt because its over half of rent each month. But January I won't have that bill so I'm hoping we can make it until then. I also want to find a new place to live that isn't as much. But with bad credit and not able to save any money to move that doesn't look likely. I'm hoping and hoping something comes through. I really would like to find a at home job that I can do part time so that can bring some extra income into our house. I wish hubby could too. But he already has 2 jobs that he is doing. I always wonder why God would allow people to suffer like this and why others seem to never struggle. I try not to compare myself to others but I just wonder why my family needs to suffer. I pray about things good and bad. I thank God for all the good things he has brought me. Yet I feel like I'm still being punished. Like I haven't proven to God that I'm his and that I'm still proving to him that I believe and trust him. I love God. I believe that God is my savior. So why is my family still not able to get out of this hole we are in. Why can't I find ways to make more money? Why can't we be able to do the things we dream about? Another day of trying to make it in the world and life struggling and living one day at a time.